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WNBA Trolls: Some new material

I just want better for all of us

· WNBA Trolls,General

I get it internet trolls, it's fun to hate on things on the internet and commenting "make me a sandwich" under a WNBA post is the only time a woman interacted with you this week. But your kitchen jokes are stale and your claims that no one cares are factually inaccurate. Plus, your fragile masculinity is showing:

So, because you're an unoriginal and unfunny, I have compiled this list for you of more topical ways to troll under WNBA posts, while still feeling that devilish little rush of adrenaline:

1. The Game Clock Operators

The Problem: We've seen a lot of recent complaints about WNBA refs, and they make some historically awful calls. I legitimately once saw a ref eject a man and his baby from a game for talking on the sidelines. Go ahead with commenting with your pet complaint about the refs, but I think we need a special shout out for the game clock operators. It is truly wild how often play stops in the WNBA because there is some confusion with the game clock. It often feels like complete amateur hour. If you have any other questions about this issue, please contact your nearest New York Liberty fan.

Suggested troll responses:

  • "Please repost, the game clock had not started"
  • "Stop posting, we need to pause to determine how many seconds are on the shot clock." Wait two minutes and then tell them they can resume.

2. League Pass Commercial Breaks

The problem: League Pass is incredibly cheap and so I really should not complain BUT I will still do so. Last season, at any time out (or when someone over there thought it was a time out) it would just go to a blank "break in progress" screen. This season, it started with repeating the same three commercials every break until all of us had memorized Goat Chat. Then it switched to playing random unorganized highlights from previous game, which would briefly confuse you thinking the game was back on but it was really just random plays from last week. Now we still have repeating commercials and an occasional just the empty court. Good news though: regardless of what is playing during the breaks, it will cut back to the game after the play has already started.

Suggested troll responses:

  • Start your response midway into your first sentence & refuse to go back and explain.
  • Reply with multiple tweets, putting *Break In Progress* between each one
  • Post this regardless

3. Repetitive talking points

The Problem: First, I sincerely adore the dedicated sites & journalists who cover the WNBA. I think I listen to almost every WNBA podcast and I have given 5 stars to you all. (I started trying to name all my faves but then got heartbroken about missing someone, but please go ahead and shamelessly plug your WNBA content in the comments).

But we all know the league does not get enough coverage, and the coverage we have is often repeating the same facts over and over because there is not enough coverage to create more narratives. So it means casual fans likely know one fact about each player, and non-causal fans are trying to get more knowledge by following all their favorites on instagram and then making bizarre & extensive powerpoints for their friends to explain what's so cool about the league & it's players (oh, just me?).

Suggested troll responses:

  • "But did you know Alyssa Thomas has two torn labrums?"
  • "Hold on, can you first tell be Breanna Stewart's wingspan?"
  • Just repeat what they say, slightly rephrased, as if it's a new idea. It's what men have been doing to women in meetings for years. 

4. Head Coaches who hire their sons

The problem: Out of a 12-team league, there are no black female head coaches, only 4 female head coaches, and 10 white head coaches. It's a shame. What's more shameful is two (two!) of the white male head coaches hired their sons as their assistant coaches. I have discussed this fact frequently but I just want to reiterate I hate it a lot.

Suggested troll responses:

  • "Don't talk to me or my son/assistant coach ever again"
  • Post this when there is a discussion of GMs or Head Coaches:

5. tap to cheer

The problem: To try to encourage fan interaction during the Wubble season, we have been given the option to Tap to Cheer. It was a nice thought to improve engagement. But it's nothing. It's literally nothing.

Whoever gets the most taps...gets the most taps. There is no reason for us to be doing this and when I tried it it was super buggy and also told me I could not tap because it was halftime?

Suggested troll responses:

  • "Tapping to BOO"
  • Tap on the like button repeatedly and whatever you land on is whether you like it or not

6. WNBA merch

The problem: I've already complained in detail about WNBA merch here. We don't have it, and the official stuff we have is mostly bad.

Suggested troll responses:

  • Comment #WNBAWeNeedMerch every time a merch item is unavailable. No really, join the movement.
  • "I want to do that but I have no WNBA socks so I have cold feet"
  • Reply simply with this photo:

DON'T: TAlk Shit about literally any of the players

I will block you. On sight.

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