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      • Why you should root for each WNBA team: an incomplete and biased guide by me

        Why you should root for the Atlanta Dream:

        Category is... Searching for first title; young and fun  Although they’re not quite contending for a title yet, they have a young and incredibly athletic core, so now is the time to get on that bandwagon, babes  Co-owned by former player Renee Montgomery after the players iconically ousted their racist co-owner from their leadership and the senate  Rhyne Howard can convince anyone to make a TikTok (even Allisha Gray who always looks hilariously under duress)  Added legend and #4 all-time scorer Tina Charles who deserves her victory lap  Downsides: It makes me angry every time I think about how small their arena is

        Why you should root for the Chicago Sky:

        Category is... former champions; Don’t call it a Rebuild  * You can now root for Angel Reese without it benefitting Kim Mulkey!!! * The Dana-ssance is upon us! After years of getting better and better in her role, former backup point guard and crowd favorite Dana Evans will be taking over on the Sky * Relatively likely you'll hear Marina Mabrey drop an f-bomb on national TV * Brianna Turner shuts down racists and transphobes on Twitter just like she shuts down the other teams’ shots in the paint Downsides: Won a championship in 2021 and then the entire team dipped. Sky fans are still recovering so please be gentle with them

        Why you should root for the Connecticut Sun:

        Category is... searching for first title; contenders (Again)  * All-Stars DeWanna Bonner and Alyssa Thomas are the league’s reigning power couple with AT averaging close to a triple-double in 2023 and DB coming off one of the best seasons of her career * All-Star Brionna Jones, your favorite center’s favorite center, is BACK * All-Personality Rachel Banham is known to photobomb the refs and then bomb away from three Downsides: My loves, they are still in their always-a-bridesmaid-never-a-bride phase by reaching the semifinals or finals every year but never winning a title. I fear this is becoming a 27 Dresses situation

        Why you should root for the Dallas Wings:

        Category is... Young, Fun, and contending (?!)  * Teairra McCowan and Kalani Brown are 6'6" twin divas in the post, and I feel bad for teams trying to out-score or out-dress them * It feels like Arike Ogunbowale shoots better at the buzzer with the game on the line. She was also on Dancing with the Stars, which we as a Community do not discuss enough * Their bench is basically all baby players, which creates maximum fun and maximum chaos * Satou Sabally has been dubbed a “unicorn” for her unique set of skills, but really what you need to know is that you’ll have so much fun watching her play  Downsides: I believe GM Greg Bibb is a malevolent force

        Why you should root for the Indiana Fever:

        Category is... young and fun; probably not contending as hard as ESPN thinks  * You may have already heard that back-to-back #1 picks Aliyah Boston and Caitlin Clark are probably the most promising young duo in sports * You may not have heard that Kelsey Mitchell is probably the most underrated player in the league who will continue casually putting up over 15 points per game * You may want to hear more about ultimate hypewoman Erica Wheeler, who went from undrafted to All-Star MVP and declared “I belong”; now she goes out of her way to make her teammates feel like they belong too Downsides: You know I’m going to say it: this is now the basic bitch choice if you’re just tuning in. But remember there is nothing wrong with being a basic bitch because women are great

        Why you should root for the Las Vegas Aces:

        Category is... Reigning champions; don’t call them a Superteam for some reason  * Going for a third championship in a row and look truly unstoppable * I cannot think of a single reason why you wouldn’t want to root for 2x MVP & reigning Finals MVP A’ja Wilson (google all her accolades I can’t fit them here) * When they say “Playoff Mode,” they mean Chelsea Gray, who can go absolutely nuclear on your team at any moment. (In 2022, she set an all-time record for best true shooting percentage in the playoffs) * Sydney Colson did the most iconic “NIGHT NIGHT” after winning the championship and then twerked for Usher (google that too)  Downsides: Head coach Becky Hammon was credibly accused of pregnancy discrimination, which is extremely not the vibe

        Why you sh:ould root for the Los Angeles Sparks

        Category is...former champions; Don’t call it a Rebuild  * Rookie Rickea Jackson had the first-ever outfit change at the draft and so we’re all eagerly awaiting her tunnel fits * Head coach Curt Miller is the first openly gay male head coach in professional basketball and is very good at his job, but mostly you should root for him because he once iconically yelled in a huddle, “I’m gonna get fired because we can’t make a layup,” before mutually parting ways with the Sun * Lexie “idc about your parlay” Brown missed most of last season battling undiagnosed Crohn’s disease but now is back and documenting her journey to inspire others  Downsides: Sparks (and WNBA) fans are still recovering from Derek Fisher historically fumbling the bag with Nneka Ogwumike, Candace Parker & Chelsea Gray on one team

        Why you should root for the Minnesota Lynx:

        Category is... former champions; Present  * Napheesa Collier is the most lowkey MVP-caliber talent you will ever see (and her husband will NOT be lowkey about it on Twitter). She also has a very cute baby * Basically the Chicago Sky-North after bringing in fan favorites Alanna Smith, Courtney Williams, Ruthy Hebard and Sika Kone in the offseason * Head coach Cheryl Reeve has been that girl for decades and consistently hires an all-female coaching staff * Courtney Williams and Natisha Hiedeman bring elite masc fashion every day  Downsides: They’re unproblematic queens but I don’t see them truly contending for a title this year

        Why you should root for the New York Liberty:

         Category is... “superteam”; searching for first title; revenge year?  * Reigning MVP Breanna Stewart may be on a revenge tour after losing in a championship series for the first time in her career (and that should scare you) * Sabrina Ionescu torched all men’s records in the three-point contest last year. We like that * I shouted out Freddy Fever last year, but it is beyond clear that Ellie is the #1 mascot in the game * Courtney Vandersloot is my favorite player, and if you love the simple joy of a perfectly executed pass, she’ll be your favorite player too  Downsides: Had a kinda rough showing in the Finals last year, so don’t bring that up in front of Liberty fans (sorry, Liberty fans)

        Why you should root for the Phoenix Mercury:

        Category is... former champions; old  * Natasha Cloud is a badass activist and leader who should probably run for president, but instead you get to watch her play point guard * I think this is your team if you like your basketball with a little mess on the side: the media is trying to set up a Diana Taurasi x Caitlin Clark rivalry, but the better showdowns are Kahleah Copper and Sophie Cunningham going from bitter rivals to teammates (Team Kah, so we’re clear) and Diana Taurasi versus every ref, every game * Brittney Griner is STILL dominating the league and will dunk when she feels like it if that’s so important to you  Downsides: Head coach’s stated credentials in women’s basketball are “being a Girl Dad,” which sounds like a joke but it isn’t

        Why you should root for the Seattle Storm:

        Category is... former champions; Superteam (?)(!); veterans balling  * Didn’t have a lottery pick but won the free agency lottery by bringing in Madam President Nneka Ogwumike and the icon Skylar Diggins-Smith * Head coach Noelle Quinn has won championships with the team as a player and an associate coach... is a championship as head coach next?! * All-female ownership group, now including the legendary Sue Bird! * They have a new UConn point guard who wears #10 worked out very well for the city before Downsides: Lost MVP Breanna Stewart and only had to suffer one down year before gaining MVP Nneka Ogwumike and All-Star Skylar Diggins-Smith, and it just feels like they should have to work harder for it, you know?

        Why you should root for the Washington Mystics:

        Category is... former champions; potentially flailing  * For some reason they give a hard hat to the “dawg of the game” and now I have 100 of these photos saved to my phone * Brittney Sykes is simply more fun than anyone on your team and will somehow block your tallest player * Karlie Samuelson bounced around on so many teams for years and now FINALLY has a guaranteed contract, and we are all so happy for her * Stefanie Dolson aka Big Mama Stef will call out a flopper when she sees one  Downsides: If you don’t hear me complaining about GM Mike Thibault giving his baby boy Eric the head coaching job, please call MY dad because I have been kidnapped

        In Conclusion

        Still from Mean Girls, with Caitlin Clark in sunglasses edited in. Text: "Get in loser, we're watching the WNBA"

        Check out last year's guide

        Check out 2022's guide

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